Coping with Stress

Several body specific biological reactions occur when a stress is introduced. They are:

As you can see the body reacts in many different ways to stress. But don't look at these characteristics as being entirely negative, because they are merely natural reactions to help the body cope with and adjust to the stress. They are common in both animals and man. Another definition of this alarm reaction is the "Fight or Flight" response.

For instance when you are approached by a stranger who looks dangerous to you this is exactly the the reaction that takes place - just before you take off running! Yet the alarm reaction can also occur in happier circumstances like a surprise party where when you enter a darkened room and all your family and friends yell "SURPRISE!"

Remember the last time that happened? You jumped, clutched your chest and held your breath. Yes, you were surprised all right - almost surprised to death! Our friends think it is funny when they jump out around the corner at you and yell "YAAA!". You got mad and they laughed, but your body was ready to either take off running or kick the tar out of them.

There is really no control over this reaction. It happens by instinct and is automatic. Some react to a greater or lessor degree but we all react in some way that is close to the above description. Lets look at this alarm reaction a little more in detail.

The reaction is actually the first stage of a three-stage process called the General Adaption Syndrome.

Eons ago our ancestors faced almost constant daily danger. Yet when they were confronted with a danger of being confronted by a lion for instance, they would either fight or run away. Either way the stress was soon removed.

However they didn't have some to the stressors we have today. We don't usually get threatened by a Lion, however we have kids to get through school, cars to fix, mortgages to pay, and other treats of modern society. We can't always run away from these stresses so they are prolonged over long periods of time.

When the alarm stage is prolonged and the stress is not removed we enter the resistance stage. This is where the body attempts to repair the damage of the first stage. The resistance stage isn't as intense as the alarm reaction but still above normal. If at this time the stress isn't removed we then enter the exhaustion stage. This is where we just wear out. Depression and certain stress related diseases occur such as hives, rashes, and even heart disease. Yes even eventual death can be attributed to a body worn out from prolonged stress. Type A persons end up at this stage many times because they simply do not wind down. The enter the alarm stage, progress to the resistance stage and eventually wear down.

This is why the stress is so connected to health. If you usually feel totally exhausted work, this is the reason why. Your body is literally exhausted.

We can't change the nature of life, it is what it is. But we can learn how to cope with the stressors involved and learn how to manage our reaction to it. Coping with stress isn't hard if you have the necessary tools. However, there is acceptable and unacceptable ways of coping.

DEFENSIVE COPING

Aggression, regression, withdrawal, denial, repression and rationalization are all defensive ways of coping with stress. Lets look at them briefly.

Aggression

You get cut off in traffic. You get mad and tail-gate the bum for five miles honking your horn and shaking your fist at them. Punching your nutty boss in the nose might give you some temporary relief but you'll be looking for a job tomorrow. Aggression can be a positive when a real threat of death is present such as in war or self defense. But it can become unacceptable as the only coping mechanism you use. Aggressive behavior usually heightens instead of dispersing the conflict.

Withdrawal

Sometimes when the stress is too great for us to cope with we withdrawal from the stress. This withdrawal can be either physical or psychological. Sometimes a withdrawal of short duration can afford us the time to find more acceptable coping techniques.

Regression

You don't get your way so you throw a temper tantrum. You yell and scream and yell and scream till you get your way. You do everything but hold your breath till you turn blue. This is OK if you are six years old. But when you are 25 it's called regression, or a return to a form of behavior characteristic of a younger age of development.

Denial

Some people deny that they are in any kind of danger. In fact terminally ill patients in the first stage of their diagnosis deny they are going to die. The response to bad news "I do not want to hear it!" is also denial. It doesn't change the problem. It doesn't affect any solutions. It doesn't change the reality.

Suppression

This is similar to denial but with more force. You consciously and purposely put stressful things out of your mind in order to avoid dealing with them. For instance even though the end of our life is death and the grave, we don't focus on that 24 hours a day. No, we think of life and living it. This isn't a bad form of suppression because we still can't deny the end. Yet in life when we begin to suppress everything that stresses us just to avoid dealing with the stress, this becomes an unacceptable alternative. We are not living in reality but in fantasy.

Rationalization

This is our way of explaining unacceptable behavior in order to exonerate ourselves. This is the way that cut our losses, explain away our failures, or things that just don't go right. Criminals use rationalization to explain their criminal activity. When they rob a bank they say, "Hell, that bank has plenty of money I only took a couple of thousand!"

All of these are the wrong way of coping with stress because they don't deal with the stress directly or actively. They can only fool us into thinking we have effectively dealt with the situation, when in fact we have only complicated it.

We will never be able to fix people, places or things to our liking. If we are going to effectively cope with your stress you are going to have to ACTIVELY cope with it.

ACTIVE COPING

Active coping involves taking responsibility for one's own life and actions instead of feeling at the mercy of fate, chance, luck or destiny. Instead of using aggression, regression, withdrawal, denial, repression and rationalization to cope. Rather than use self deception, we ACTIVELY and FIRMLY address and deal with the stress in our life. If we are unhappy with our lives and the things that are happening to us then we have to take charge of our lives to change our life.

There are two kinds of people in this world. EXTERNALIZERS and INTERNALIZERS. What determines which one we are is how we assign or accept the responsibility for the things that happen in our life. If we live on the basis of chance or luck as the controlling factor, then we are an externalizer. If you live your life according to your horoscope or Cleo, you are an externalizer. If on the other hand you believe that success in life is based on hard work and practice and you are not at the mercy of fate, then you are an internalizer.

There are no good days or bad days. The Sun rises and falls, the same things happen day after day. Remember it is all in how we perceive the situation, not how the situation perceives us. True there are less desirable things that happen on some days. But do they control our reactions? Or are WE in control of them? Do you want to be ruled by events? Or do you want to rule OVER events. The choice is yours!

When you take the responsibility for your own fate you stop blaming people, places and things for your problems. So you more actively cope with the stresses in your life.

But how do you become an internalizer instead of an externalizer? It doesn't happen overnight, but begins with a change of thinking.

Catastrophizing Thoughts

If there is anything that can add to the stress of the situation is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Have you ever had difficulty with the first item on a test and absolutely convinced you will flunk? How about when you have a hard time with your spouse in the morning and become convinced that the whole day is blown? If so you have practiced catastrophizing thinking.

Catastrophic thinking is subjective thinking based on fantasy. For instance, remember the last time you had a toothache? Sure, it hurt, and you let everyone know it too. Yet the more you thought about it the more it hurt. This is catastrophic thinking. The pain is there, but you probably used 'self-talk" something along these lines:

"I can't stand this pain any more", "My head is coming off", "I'm going to die from this pain".

Remember that your alarm system is already in gear. Your heart is racing, or at least beating faster than normal. Your respiration is increasing to keep up with the increased blood flow. Yet at the same time your muscles are tensing causing those fingers to move slowing on the keyboard. The adrenaline is surging at the same time making you hurry up while your muscles are tensed.

Your blood flow, though increased, is slow because of coagulation, while the blood shifts away from the skin. To top it off your blood pressure increases.

If you suffer from constant headaches this might be the reason why. Some doctors believe that at least some headaches are caused by the effects of the alarm reaction, especially when it is sustained over a long period of time without adjustment.

Its even worse if you add catastrophic thinking to the situation. Remember the mind plays a significant role in the alarm reaction. In other words by your thinking you can actually increase the impact of the stressor.

The way you do with is with incompatible thoughts to counter the catastrophic ones. Instead of thinking, "I can stand this pain", You combat that thought with, "Yes I can." "Its a tooth ache", "I will survive"

Catastrophic thinking is NEGATIVE THINKING. Therefore to counteract a negative thought you have to think positive counter thoughts.

This isn't easy, but you didn't learn to think negative overnight. You've been practicing it all your life! To change a habit it takes repetition. The alternative to this is loss of control, headaches, and burn out.

Lowing Arousal

Another way to cope with stress is to lower the arousal. This can be done with meditation, progressive relaxation, and diaphragmatic breathing.

Meditation

When you think of meditation you probably envision a Yogi in a cramped up position. Yet meditation is not all that complicated. Meditation is simply putting your mind from where it is at now over to something else. Actually you meditate every day whether you know it or not. It's called "Daydreaming". Maybe when you are in a traffic jam and you know you're not going anywhere soon you picture yourself on the beach, or at the mall, or that party the night before. Just so you don't have to concentrate on the less pleasant aspects of the moment like the miles of cars in front of you, the fact that you are not going to get where you want to go as fast as you want to get there.

This is meditation. You are taking your mind off of what is happening now and putting it somewhere else more pleasant.

Next time you have some down time, sit back, close your eyes and picture something pleasant to think about. Think on something peaceful, like your children, your family, husband, wife, whatever gives you pleasure. You don't have to do it for a long time, a few minutes make a great difference. Try it on your breaks, or shave a few minutes off your meal break to just kick back and relax. Just do it. You'll feel better.

Pick a muscle, any muscle and contract it as tight as you can: then after a few moments relax it. This is progressive relaxation. This decreases the arousal that accompanies the alarm reaction - remember, muscles get tight. The trick is to do this at the onset of the alarm reaction so to lessen its effect.

Diaphragmatic breathing is proper breathing. The next time the stress is on, breathe with your diaphragm. That is, with your belly. Breathe slowing and through your nose (both inhale and exhale). Take about one full second count (one-thousand-one), to both inhale and exhale. Besides the slowing down of respiration which in turn will slow heart rate, it also helps to take your mind off the stress of the moment.

More ways to combat the effect of stress is to attack it in all points of your life. For instance, changing the pace of your life. Stop driving yourself crazy. If you are a type A person  then actively cope with that behavior. You do this by confronting the value system that supports it. Do you believe in competition or cooperation? Achieving or appreciating? Challenge the ideal that you must be perfect in all you do whether work or play. It isn't realistic. We are human, we are going to make mistakes, and in actuality the more you try not to do something, the more you do it.

Type A persons  have everything so tightly wound that something is bound to come unraveled. The point again is that this behavior is STRESS-PRODUCING behavior. The body isn't a machine, it's an organism. There is nothing wrong with doing a good job, but believe it or not you don't have to be a Type A person to do it.

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!

Instead of jumping out of bed to a obnoxiously loud alarm clock, racing around the house trying to get everything done and then giving yourself the bare minimum of time to get to work, get a jump on the day. Get up a little earlier. If its only 20 minutes, so you can have a cup of coffee, relax and watch the news or TV or read a meditational book. Just give yourself time. Things will be hectic enough in the day without you adding to it before it even gets started.

Another coping tool is exercise. I know, you hate it. Yet nothing relieves the stress of day more than to take a run or walk or have a little workout. It helps tap that energy from the alarm reaction that sometimes lasts well after the end of the shift. You don't have to go crazy at the gym, just a walk will do, but its better than not doing anything.

The last coping tool is to get into the habit of making decisions. Conflict is painful and when we don't make decisions we make the conflict even more painful. If you are not so good at making decisions then a balance sheet might help.

When you make a balance sheet to help you make a decision it helps you to see the whole picture. Here is how you do it.

1. Project all tangible gains and losses for yourself.

List these items in a left column on a peace of paper. Then head two columns "Positive Anticipations" and "Negative Anticipations". What this will help you do is give you a complete picture of all the pros and cons of your decision. It takes the "what-if" out of the picture, and helps you make a decision. When you become decisive in your life you will have taken the great step in decreasing the effect of stress on you.

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