All husbands have heard it. That seemingly constant bantering coming from your wife: "You never pick up your socks!" "You're always coming home late!" and on and on.

When you hear it you don't know whether to stand your ground and fight back or run away. Some guys have gotten real good at being able to shut it out. Just like we did sometimes when Dad or Mom yelled at us. Yet no one has really come up with a decent solution to the problem. We've tried our friends, the bartender, but no one seems to know what to do.

We would give anything if we could just figure out how to get her to shut up?

 Well the issue isn't whether or not she going to "shut up", but whether or not we can try to understand what is happening underneath the surface that causes her to nag you.

First guys we could all be a little more attentive. When we drop the socks on the floor what stops us from making the next couple of steps to the hamper? Laziness I suppose, but I think that most guys like myself just decide at the spur of the moment that the floor is an excellent temporary storage facility for socks, our pants, and whatever else we may discard at the end of the working day. I mean it isn't personal. Some of us fully plan to retrieve them later --really!

You might be surprised to know that much of what your wife is nagging you about has nothing to do with what she is nagging about. Got me on that? There is something else going on. Something beneath the surface. Something you haven't been paying attention to. In short sometimes the point is well taken. Other times it points to something else.

Like I said in "wife speak" everything we do says something to our wife about how we feel towards her. It's not the words so much that she looks for, but the action beyond the words.

When you pick up those socks your doing more than just being neat. You are telling her that you don't think she is your maid. You are telling her that as far as you are concerned she is more than your wife. You are telling her that she is your equal and that you respect her as such.

Remember exclusiveness? Above all she desires to be the number one object of attention in your life. Now before you dismiss that as immaturity on her part, yet it is really no different than some of the things you look for in her.

When she cooks you a meal do you take it for granted? Do you complain about the way it is cooked, or the fact that she didn't make you toast with your steak? You see we guys can be quite the nags ourselves.

How about a "Thank You"? How about the fact that she doesn't have to cook for you? I have yet to see the rulebook that says the wife is to clean and cook and draw the bath for her man! True our society has perpetuated that picture, and it is true that for the most part most wives do those things for their husbands. Yet you would be surprise what a heart felt "Thank you" does for her.

The truth is that the source of her getting on your case is more than just a simple incident. I liken it to a big ball of yarn. You know what that is don't you. A ball of yarn is an interwoven ball of string. Each string represents a slight or hurt or feeling of disrespect she has received from us over time. All those strings have been collecting over time till they have wrapped themselves into a big old ball. That's why when she is on your case not one but many things come to the front. Ever notice in an argument it isn't the one thing but the many?

Untangling this ball of yarn isn't easy. But when you realize that just as it came together one string at a time, it can be unraveled one string at a time. That "Thank You" is such a way to begin to unravel it.

You can also do this in the midst of the nag by simply and objectively agreeing with her when her point is valid. When she brings up a shortcoming, there is nothing wrong with just evaluating it.  If  you are wrong, admit it.  You would be surprised how far that goes to changing what sometimes turns into a fight into a blessing.

Communication means trying to understand what the other person is saying. Again, it's really not about the socks, but about respect. It is about acknowledging your wife as your partner, your friend and one who has the right of your undivided attention. The next time you think you're just being nagged, try to get to the root of the problem. Investigate further. In the mean time, try fixing it by being a little more attentive to her needs on a day-to-day basis, giving her the respect and admiration you know she deserves. It will go a long way toward getting "un-nagged" in the future.