Husbands, Love Your Wife!
What Women Need
What do women need? You would think this question should have a thousand answers, at least we husbands think so. You might be saying, "Man, if I knew what women need I would bottle it!"
It would seem that we are sometimes on a roller coaster of trying to please our wives, and time and time again we feel we come up short. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we miss it all together. However, what we quickly find out is that when we do please our wives there is no better feeling in the world!
I can remember just one Christmas out of the eighteen that my wife and I have spent together that I got it right. You see, she wanted something very special that she had her eye on for a long time. It was a purse. But not just any model. It was a Gucci model. It was expensive. She like things expensive. But it wasn't entirely out of the budget. So since I could buy it and she really wanted it., well, I bought it.
Now the reason I knew that she wanted it was that I had from the first days of our marriage loved to shop with her - as weird as that seems. We just have fun when we go out and shop around. Doing this I admit I had an a motive --to get to know what she likes so that I could plan my gift buying in the future.
I saw that she always came into this particular store she always looked at that particular purse. So I made sure I got it for her and on Christmas morning when she opened the gift, well, she shouted for glee and I felt ten feet tall.
The funny thing is that now eleven years later that purse is in the closet, abandoned. She no longer uses it. Yet the memory of that morning will live in my mind forever. I can still see the look on her face, and hear the joy of her glee.
That is what I call "The Home Run". But was it the purse? Or the amount that it cost? Or was it the because I had spent the time to pay attention enough to get it right.
Well, while she really liked the gift. However later she told me that she really appreciated that I took the time to pay attention ---that I cared enough to KNOW and get her what she really wanted.
WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDS!
Your wife's greatest need of you is that you make her the number one attraction of your life. She needs to know that you worship the ground she walks on, that above all others, she is the one for you. In short, a continual courtship. Now don't take that beyond what I said. Of course you have many other interests and other things to do. But if you really want to get her attention you are going to have to make her at the pinnacle of them all.
Think of the time when you courted her, you know, in the beginning. You watched her every move. You thought of her constantly. You sent flowers to her work, and it wasn't even her birthday! You opened the car door for her. Listened more than you talked. You made sure you always looked good for her, that you kept yourself neatly groomed. You worked out, lost weight, sucked in that gut when she was around. She in turn bragged about you to all her friends, you were truly her "Knight in Shining Armor", the man of her dreams.
What happened between then and now? It's simple, it WORKED! You caught her attention, you asked for her hand, she accepted and you whisked her away. It all seemed so easy, it seemed so perfect. Men do things this way. We'll do anything so long as the objective is reached. But this is not to say we weren't genuinely in love or sincere. It's just that when we have what we want we turn off the machine that got us there.
This is what usually happens when after you crossed the threshold, all of a sudden, you turned off the courtship machine. Well why not, you had reached the objective. Why continue with all that work?
So you stopped sending her flowers (unless you had too). You got into the car first, and forgot to unlock the door for "her side". (You might have even drove off if she hadn't tapped on the glass!).
You stopped grooming yourself. In fact you rediscovered T-shirts. You know, your favorite, usually unwashed for many months. You let the gut go (phewww!). You now began to talk more than you listened, and in fact you began to yell, constantly - more times that you spoke softly.
What was the effect of this? You began to see a change in her. She began to rebel. She no longer looked at you with adoring eyes as if you were truly the knight in shining armor. Instead she began to talk to others about you as before, but it wasn't in glowing terms.
You might have heard her constantly complaint about how you changed, how you are so sloppy and so inconsiderate and so on. In turn you began to get angry and sulky. "She doesn't respect me!" You lamented. "She just doesn't understand me!" You told the bartender. You started to confide in others, sometimes even in other women about "that such and such, so and so" you are married to.
When it came time to buy a gift it was for a reason. It was no longer a pleasure, but a duty to perform, and you even resented the fact that you had to do it. It showed too, she knew, she could see it in your eyes, she should sense it in the "thought" behind the gift.
Does this all sound all too familiar?
It should, because it happens a million times a day all over this country and in the world. It's why the divorce rate in the U.S. is staggering, with 50% of all marriages ending in divorce.
All because in the beginning we men had by accident, or perhaps by instinct tapped into the needs our women and met them. Then inexplicably we backed off and seemed to forget those needs altogether. Rather we forgot the first need--that of EXCLUSIVENESS.
In the beginning we took the time to learn what pleased her. Now we take many things for granted. When it comes to telling her that she is number one, the only one you love, we don't. When confronted about this you get defensive, "What do you want from me?" "I work, I bring home the check, I buy the food, I care!". This as women say, is "typical" for us. We equate love, care and concern to HOW good we provide a living.
It's good that you do all that, but that's not what she wants. She wants to hear you say, "I love you!" She wants to hear, "Your the only girl for me!"
So many husbands think that their provisional accomplishment translates into their ONLY statement of love for their wives, and while the SECURITY is important and one of her needs it means nothing without EXCLUSIVENESS.
Your wife loves and needs the fact that you are a good provider, but she also needs support and security on the emotional level. She needs to know that in spite of all and everything SHE is your greatest object of concentration.
Therefore the two basic needs of the woman are "SECURITY" and "EXCLUSIVENESS". Yes she needs you to be a good provider, but also a good friend, counselor, confidant, and pal. If you fulfill these needs, or even make an honest attempt, then the respect you crave and need from her will be automatic. Because you will have EARNED that respect.
Go to Part IV
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