One of the things that kills a relationship is expectations.  It is a human thing to expect others to act a certain way and  to do certain things according to the way we expect them..  This is so true in our relationships, especially with our spouse.

Granted there are expected expectations like our mate love us, be faithful, be supportive, etc.  Yet how reasonable are these expectations when we are such unreasonable and fallible people?

Yet beyond the reasonable expectations we have of our spouse there are the unreasonable ones as well.  These are the expectations of "makeover" or creating a spouse in our own image.

Over the years of speaking with married couples I have seen this take place. Both wives and husbands lamenting that the marriage would be alright if the other would "behave" in a more "acceptable" way.  Most marriage conflict comes from one or the other doing something that the other hasn't "programmed" into their idea of the relationship.

The quickest way to get disappointed is to have an unrealistic expectation, either of ourselves or others. What is realistic and what isn't is something for each of us to figure out, but I would offer one rule of thumb.  Don't bet on perfection from a vessel programmed for failure.

To use a mechanical example, I present my computer.  When I bought it it was a marvel to me of human technology. I bought the latest software. Got a dummies book and studied for hours. It was almost like a honeymoon.  Then the "glitches" began to happen.  As each glitch occurred I would find myself getting angry. Why?  "Well, this shouldn't happen!" "This is a marvel of human engineering!"  I had an expectation at the outset of ownership that this machine should "behave" in a certain way, do certain things, all the time.

When it didn't my expectations were trounced and I was upset.  What I failed to take into account was that failure was programmed into my new computer, otherwise there was no need for the manufacturer to place a help program on my hard drive to use in case of failure.

People are not machines, but they too are neither perfect or infallible. They will and many times do fail to meet our expectations of perfection.  If we would experience a little more peace in our life it might be a good idea to revamp our expectations of people, especially our spouse.  As close as you might think you and your spouse are, you are two different kinds of people.

The magic of the marriage bond is that there is a difference, yet a oneness, of purpose.  The ever growing picture of what the marriage will be isn't based on one or the other's idea of what it should be, but comes as a result of what occurs over time.  The meshing of two distinct personalities, over time, becoming one is a miracle. Yet this process can be stopped or censured if one, or the other, tries to make the other over into their image.