Living in the Dog House

Living in the Dog House

Living with someone twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, is it's own adventure isn't it?

Its one thing to try to get along with all the people we know at work, our families and friends. But the attempt to live a conflict free life with our wife seems at times almost impossible.

A husband no doubt coined the term "Dog House". We know the term as referring to when we have done something our wife didn't like. Subsequently we face her stern displeasure, at least until we come up with a way to make it better, or enough time passes until she forgets
(Yeah, right).

How do we get in these jams? How many times in the middle of getting yelled at did you say, "What did I do?"

You come home from work after having a real good day. You kiss her on the cheek and she abruptly moves her head away. "What's the matter honey? You gently ask.

"Nothing she replies. Then you get the feeling that dinner is canceled, or at best it will be cold cuts. Your mind races over the events of the day, week, and month, as you search for something that you might have done to make her mad. You look for overt things, subconscious things you did or said.

You can't think of anything off the top of your head. So you ask her again, "What's wrong?"

But you get the same reply with more force that sends the signal, "Keep Off"!

"I said, Nothing!".

So you retire to the couch, or get busy with something around the yard. You do anything to stay out of her way. There is no sense in making the situation worst than it is. Yet you are still confused. "What did I do? "

Men and women are different and as such they look at things differently. One of the ways that they are different is in the way they process emotions. I use the example of a fuse on a stick of dynamite. Men generally have a quick or short fuse. When we are insulted or
slighted we usually are quick to respond to the offender.

Sure we might burn for a while, but generally we get it over with.

Women on the other hand are mostly slow burning. They react in a more calculated and precise manner. When they do respond it is usually well after the fact. But that is not where it ends.

Remember that time you make an off cuff remark about how good she looked back when you met her? It was innocent enough - you meant well. But you can tell you had gone where no man should ever go. But she didn't react right away, so you thought you got away with one and you wiped the sweat from your brow.

But you know something; the problem didn't end there. You might have forgot the incident but she didn't. But she wasn't going to deal with it there. No, she placed into the back of her mind where it found immediate company with all the other slights and perceived insults, misunderstandings from days gone by. There it will sit festering until that day you came home from work and kissed her on the cheek.

That "Nothing" wasn't from just one slight, it was from possibly a whole week or month of slights. Her displeasure with you isn't from one incident, it's from many, and saved up over time. Just like Pandora's box you come along and unwittingly open it.

You're only response this is, "What did I do?"

The problem is that there is no simple solution to this problem. Unless you are incredibly observant and careful you will say and do things that get added to the box. You can't very well walk on eggshells just so you don't upset the balance of the Cosmos.

But there is something that you can do that lessen the "load.

It's this simple: THINK.

That is, think before you act or say anything. This isn't only true in a marriage but in all relationships. No, you don't have to be paranoid about it. But many times we say and do things with little regard to others. The purpose of outlining the needs of the wife in the series, Husbands" Love Your Wife is help us out in this endeavor. If you know the needs of security and exclusiveness then you will want to avoid saying or doing things, which threaten those needs.

If you have been thinking about a career change be very careful how you share this with your wife. Don't just barge in one day and exclaim, "Honey, I quit my job today! I'm going to do "this and that ". It won't go over too well. She may let you have it right away. She may say nothing at first (worst of all). But you have torn away the foundations of security and she is going to react in one-way or another.

If you come home from work and grab a beer and a remote and go to gaga land on the evening news without so much as a glance at or word towards her, look out! That need of exclusiveness is being threatened. On this she may not react immediately, but it's going into the box.

Face it guys, this is tough. But marriage isn't a cakewalk. You are in the most intimate relationship known. If you want peace you are going to have to be diligent and pay attention. If you think you're getting away with something think again. Just in case make sure you stock up on dog bones!

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