Anger

What is anger? Why do we get angry?

Anger is an emotion.

It is usually the response to a received wrong or danger to ourselves or someone we care about. Sometimes it works for us by allowing us to "blow off" a little steam. Other times it is a hindrance, especially when we get angry for all the wrong reasons and others get hurt.

Therefore I submit this premise, "Anger when used appropriately is a GOOD thing". Again, it can help us blow off the stress of life, and also in the case of where we in danger it fuels us to protect ourselves. It is when the reason is invalid that the hurt comes.

The Road to Anger.

Anger is a secondary reaction of fear. Fear in itself isn't a negative emotion, it too is useful and built into us to allow us to fight our aggressors or to flee to save our necks. Yet as we saw in the fear article it can also be detrimental to us, causing us to fear those things which are not a real danger and sometimes even paralyze us with neurosis and depression.

Actually, Fear, Anger and Depression are all closely related. Fear is usually the first emotion, followed by anger. For an example, say that you are our shopping with your kids. and you lose one of them, you know, they wander away. You panic, you search everywhere, calling...no, yelling their name. Then suddenly there is a page from overhead, "Will the parent of little Johnny please come to the customer service desk!"

Relieved you run to the desk and there is your kid! You are relieved, but now your fear is turned into anger. "Where have you been?" You scream at the kid. What happened to the fear? It was the first reaction. Then came the anger after you saw that your kid was all right. You do it almost automatically.

This example is based on a real incident, with a real danger. Yet was it? Well your kid was missing, but was your kid in any real danger? Well, in this case no. But in your mind all kinds of scenarios took place. It is precisely here where fear and subsequent anger can cause the greatest problems.

Imagine the husband who fears he cannot pay his bills, or that he is going nowhere in his job. Those fears are not based on any immediate danger, they are phantom fears based on things which have not, or maybe will never occur. But they are real in his mind. Now take that fear over time and you have one angry guy. He is short fused and ready to explode at anything or anyone. This is the root of much of the spouse abuse that takes place. Behind every angry man is a fearful man. When you address the fear, you address the anger.

So you can see that fear can sometimes be warranted and unwarranted. The difference again is with having your mind, your thinking based on the here and now, not projecting the future, nor dwelling on the past.

comments?

Return to main | menu